I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The best revenge is premature balding
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
