I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
