Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
