Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
