Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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