he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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