We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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