Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
