one might say we're banned from that church
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
