I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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