I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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