haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
