I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
