He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
