my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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