I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize