Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
