i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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