I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
