Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
