dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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