So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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