you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
