So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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