I'm going to jail i love you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What a dumb baby whore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
