good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
