Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
