whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
