Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
