My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
