Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
