So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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