The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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