I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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