I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
