I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize