I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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