Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize