why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Still dying that you shit outside
Randomize
