all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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