Soap is not a condiment
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
