I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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