I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
