he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
