she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
