I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
