hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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