we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
