there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm having to shit out rocks
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