I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
