dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
