All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize