Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
