Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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