You really coming over, don't trick.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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