I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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