i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
