I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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