I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Less talking, more tequila
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
