There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
