my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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