I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
