Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
