So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
