My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
