I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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