what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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