I can text with my tongue
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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