Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
