i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize