Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
