just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
