I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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