loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
