He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
