Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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