lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
