Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
