two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
