i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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