I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
