I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
