Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
