i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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