i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
