I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize