Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
