come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
