Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
