discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We just shotgunned beers for America
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
