in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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