Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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