You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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