So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
