Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
