Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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