last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
