I must be too annoying 4 u.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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