dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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