and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
