She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize