I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
