the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
