good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Text me some of your sweat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
