So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
