he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
